La nostra Community si contraddistingue per la presenza di ragazzi creativi e intraprendenti che, attraverso le loro esperienze, sono d’ispirazione per altri giovani in cerca di un’identità e un ruolo in un mondo in continua evoluzione.
Oggi vi vogliamo presentare un progetto “già visto” ma che presenta allo stresso tempo dei tratti innovativi con una buona dose d’ironia.
Dietro si nascondono tre ragazzi, uniti da una profonda amicizia e dalla condivisione di un sogno, nato quasi per gioco ma che col tempo si è trasformato in qualcosa di concreto.
Andiamo a conoscerli meglio:
Ciao ragazzi, benvenuti intanto nella Orange Community, iniziamo con un classico: presentatevi!
Ciao! Siamo tre giovani ragazzi della provincia di Verona, Robi, Chiari e Jonfry (ormai non usiamo più i nomi di battesimo). Siamo amici dai tempi delle scuole superiori, quando eravamo compagni di classe, e nonostante le scelte di vita e lavorative diverse, siamo riusciti a restare sempre molto legati, senza faticare ad andare d’accordo… possiamo dire un piccolo miracolo!
Non ci piace prenderci sul serio, ci mandiamo frecciatine a vicenda e, tra uno scherzo e l’altro, siamo finiti a fondare insieme Già Visto.
Che cos’è Già Visto?
Già Visto nasce da un’idea avuta durante il lockdown che ci ha duramente colpito nei mesi scorsi: proprio in quel periodo di chiusura, ristrettezze e preoccupazioni, la mente vagava, la creatività esplodeva e si faceva progetto, nel mentre di una videochiamata, ognuno dalle proprie case.
E da lì abbiamo deciso di creare uno store online di T-shirt personalizzate, dal taglio moderno e dal design minimal, che riportano “espressioni inglesi che si potrebbero benissimo dire in italiano”: un modo ironico di fare il verso al parlato dell’impegnatissimo business man milanese o dell’intraprendente studente di digital marketing, diventato ormai di uso comune per tutti i giovani d’oggi.
Tutti e tre mettendo a disposizione le proprie competenze e occupandoci di un aspetto diverso, in armonia e confrontandoci in maniera sincera e trasparente; nel dettaglio Robi si occupa del concept creativo e social, Chiari della parte business plan e gestione, Jonfry della parte di programmazione e grafica.
Abbiamo avuto modo di dare un’occhiata all’e–commerce e l’idea è davvero simpatica, quali sono state le difficoltà iniziali?
Le difficoltà sono state soprattutto psicologiche, la paura di non farcela e che il progetto non venisse recepito in maniera positiva dalle persone. Superati i dubbi, e dopo esserci noi per primi “innamorati” del concept creativo, le difficoltà logistiche e organizzative sono passate in secondo piano.
E per quanto riguarda il futuro, quali sono i vostri progetti? Dove vi piacerebbe arrivare?
Il nostro progetto più a breve termine è aprire un e-commerce ad hoc per il nostro brand, oltre che un sito strutturato dove possa trasparire la filosofia che sta dietro alle nostre T-shirt.
Successivamente l’idea è di creare anche una seconda collezione con le frasi più iconiche del mondo del trash, in contemporanea con l’inizio dei programmi televisivi, che regalano sempre citazioni e momenti epici.
Il mondo della moda è sempre più saturo di idee, come si emerge in un business che non è più un oceano blu e dove le idee spesso si replicano?
Sicuramente a fare la differenza deve essere il concetto che sta alla base dell’idea creativa, che deve differenziarsi da tutto ciò che si trova sul mercato. È sottinteso che la nostra T-shirt non cambia la vita, ma speriamo che venga scelta per il messaggio irriverente che comunica, perché il cliente si ritrova in quella determinata frase simpatica, che magari dice spesso o sente dire continuamente al lavoro. Noi sguazziamo bene anche in un oceano rosso!
Che consigli dareste a chi vuole buttarsi in un’avventura come la vostra?
Di non abbattersi, continuare sulla propria strada, di essere sempre recettivi ai segnali del mercato, di ascoltare i consigli di poche e selezionate persone e di scappare sia dagli adulatori ruffiani che dai frustrati che boccerebbero qualunque idea fuori dai loro schemi…e pronti a dire “questa cosa è già vista”.
Grazie di tutto ragazzi, per concludere, perché vi sentite un po’ Orange?
Siamo Orange perché abbiamo reso reale un’idea nata come un gioco, ma che a furia di ritornare nei nostri discorsi e nelle nostre chat, abbiamo abbracciato al 100%, sempre propositivi, uniti, determinati e irrimediabilmente ottimisti.
Qui di seguito potete trovare i riferimenti web e social:
Store shop.spreadshirt.it/gia-visto
Pagina IG www.instagram.com/gia_visto_/
Pagina Facebook www.facebook.com/Giavistotshirt/
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п»їStrength in the face of adversity
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Life often puts us to the test… even when it doesn’t, one of the things that scares us the most is to think: How would I react to this? I’m sure that if this happened to me I would die!… but, in reality we are much stronger than we think and we all carry within us a brave person who grows in the face of adversity.
That is why we cannot live in fear, thinking and thinking, What if I lose my job… what if I lose this love… what if I lose this loved one, what if I get sick?
Because, believe it or not, “after the storm always comes the calm”. So, although the first moments are really difficult, when we have no more tears left and we have accepted that life was ungrateful to us today… an inner strength (resilience) appears that protects us, helps us and makes us grow as people…
Everything bad that happens to us has a positive side even if we are not able to see it.
It may even be happening to you right now, dear reader, and you may think that you are not going to overcome it, that you will not be able to cope with it or that you will always live “with that bad luck that follows you”, but…
Life are stages, moments, good and bad, happy and sad… because that’s how this journey is and that’s how we have to understand it: if one day is cloudy, even two or three, rest assured that the sun has to come out again.
Sometimes this star is a little lazy and tests our patience, other times it surprises us with its radiant light after a good storm and many others we glimpse it from far away, very tiny… in the end it comes closer to us little by little until it floods us with its light.
So remember that within you there is a force that you almost never count on because you rarely need it. Yes, even if you don’t believe it, even if you think you are a coward and that there is no strength inside you.
You have a light inside you, that will help you in the bad times with more strength than ever and that will surprise you more than you thought…
And, when the storm passes, because it always does, life will surprise you again with another love, with another soul friend that perhaps otherwise you would not have found along the way, with a precious grandchild or with an unexpected trip that will fill you with smells, flavors and new and wonderful landscapes…
Remember that when you reflect on the tremendous thing that happened to you, think that you not only survived, but that you put your heart and strength into it, then you will feel happy with yourself.
You will feel like that aspiring warrior who finally managed to earn his armor and helmet… and now he is no longer afraid… because he knows that he has already faced suffering once and has been able to defend himself.
Fight and win, like one of those gladiators of Ancient Rome… but in this case, your muscles were inside you…
Something in your being is torn in many moments, but go on, fight, don’t let yourself be defeated…
Hopefully this article will help you in those difficult moments to overcome the fear of the bad that may come and enjoy the good moments when you have them. Laugh, dance, dream, enjoy when you have it in your hand … and face life when the time comes.
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п»їYou’ve learned to be strong, now it’s your turn to be happy.
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In the end, there comes a time when you make it: you learn to be strong. Life is a teacher in this sense and teaches you in various ways to build an incombustible attitude. But perhaps you are forgetting the most important thing: that time is not only a means to achieve future goals, that now it is also your turn to be happy.
Happiness is not somewhere else; it is here, right here. The happy person does not postpone his happiness; life happens now, being uncertain about what will come later. These words of the poet Walt Whitman could not be more accurate and inspiring.
However, for those who have just gone through a difficult time, it is not easy to apply this advice. It is not, first of all, because when we go through difficult times, it is very difficult for us to keep our eyes on the present.
Moreover, we walk through the world defensively, making sure that nothing that has happened before will happen again. We look in the rear-view mirror of our memory, reviewing yesterday, trying to learn as many lessons as possible in order to be prepared for whatever may happen.
If you have gone through a negative, complex or traumatic episode, do not become obsessed with being strong: think about being flexible. The temptation to become defensive can be very great, the temptation to protect yourself so that nothing lifts the scab where there was a wound.
“He who overcomes others is strong; he who overcomes himself is powerful.”
-Lao Tse
You have learned to be strong, but now it’s your turn to be happyEveryday balance teaches, as do our experiences, relationships, everything we read and what we discover at every moment. However, there is one fact that should be studied in depth: people who have gone through a traumatic event do not always know how to give themselves new opportunities to achieve happiness. It is as if they go out every day with a huge umbrella, even though nothing announces that it is going to rain.
Antisthenes, Greek philosopher and founder of the Cynic school, said that one of our purposes should be to make our soul an impregnable fortress. Now, what is the use of making ourselves into a royal and impassable wall? Light rarely passes through a stone wall, nothing is seen through it and, what is worse, its entrance is impassable to those who wish to know us.
Therefore, whoever is obsessed with developing a strong personality. often what it achieves is to live always on the defensive, for fear of being hurt again. It is not the best strategy. Because happiness does not harmonize with fear or with those who accumulate an excess of defense mechanisms.
You can be happy: now you know what your priorities in life areSince Martin Seligman laid the foundations of positive psychology in the 1990s, things have not changed much. We are still witnessing that flourishing of self-help publications to teach us how to be happy. There is an abundance of smiling yellow faces and gurus who promise to give us the keys to fulfill ourselves as human beings.
Those who have gone through complicated and even traumatic events do not always get help from these books or manuals. Experts on the subject, such as psychologists Jerome Wakefield of New York University and Allan Horwitz of Rutgers University, wrote a book entitled The Loss of Sadness. Here they tell us precisely about very interesting aspects related to this topic.
One example. Nowadays, the obligation to “be happy” is over-prioritized. So much so that these experts point out that we are distorting and leaving aside from our emotional repertoire, realities such as anguish, fear or sadness. Thus, those who have gone through adversity, accumulate these internal states to a greater degree. How to be happy then? What can these people do to achieve well-being?
Believe it or not, these people have a very particular advantage. Those who have not experienced difficulties in life often fantasize about happiness in somewhat idealistic terms (having a perfect partner, getting a great job, going on an incredible trip…). However, those who have learned to be strong, value much more basic aspects: calm, balance, the affection of loved ones, being well with oneself….
All these dimensions actually build the pillars of true happiness.
The key to well-being is actually the intelligent combination of many keysLife has made you strong and now it is your turn to be happy. You have gone through different storms, through sometimes abrupt changes of direction in your life journey. And indeed, look at you, you have become someone who knows how to be strong like graphene.
However, you must add other alloys and properties to the material you now wear. One of them is flexibility, another is to be receptive, to accept change, and to work on your openness to what surrounds you in order to continue to find yourself and to find what goes with you.
However, in the middle of this path there is a key that will allow you to work on your happiness. This component is perhaps the most important, and Viktor E. Frankl spoke to us about it in his famous book Man’s Search for Meaning. We are referring, of course, to finding a purpose to our life.
It is to give it a meaning, a motivating and intrinsic force that ignites our illusions. That internal engine should drive us every morning to continue to improve ourselves, to set goals on the horizon based on what is meaningful to us. Let’s work on it.
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“Manipulators seek to persuade people to cross their boundaries.
With innuendo, they manipulate circumstances to get their way.
They seduce others to carry their burdens. They use guilt-laden messages.
” (Cloud,H; Townsend,)
In our life, work, social, family, it is common to surround ourselves with people who very easily exert a lot of influence over us. When that influence is used with the sole purpose of pleasing and feeding their own needs at the expense of others, we speak then of: manipulation. We can affirm that many subjects around us, develop this type of behavior. It is very difficult to detect when we are being manipulated, because these people use mechanisms (deception, threats, fears) in a subtle way and using a skill that turns their manipulation into an art, understanding this concept as a damage with dire consequences.sometimes, we tend to override our needs to meet the needs of others, basically to avoid conflicts, or to preserve “links” with people who are extremely close to us, but in reality we are being victims of the trap of manipulation and blackmail. The great manipulators, know to the millimeter, our most vulnerable points, our secrets, due in part to the fact that they are usually people very close to us and who know us well. They know exactly our shortcomings and needs, and use the threat of withholding or eliminating their affection for us if we do not let them influence us. They use fear, revenge, guilt, punishment, to torment us. But they are also able to cover up the pressure and dominance they exert on us with great skill. When a manipulative person feels that their power or authority is being questioned, their manipulative behavior is triggered.
Surely the examples below are easily recognizable to all of us, since we have all heard them at some point: “If you get divorced I am capable of killing the children”, “My daughter, if you continue with that relationship don’t come back to this house”, “If you abandon me I will kill myself”, Mom if you force me to do homework I will get sick”, “You never come to visit me, you call me so little”, “Don’t you care what I suffered during this time”, “I will help you if you promise to give me your purse”,” I will wait for you if you buy the plane tickets ” ” I will take care of you if…, if… if… if…..
We are the object of manipulative people, when they are dominating us in some way. If we agree to do or say things with which we do not completely agree, but finally accept, we are victims of emotional blackmail that manipulates and violates our behavior.
If we comply with the demands of manipulative people, they will repeat their manipulation. It is necessary to lay solid foundations on our part, to establish limits that protect our space and our integrity, in which our needs and desires are not annulled. The problem of being surrounded by these people, is to end up infected and finally we become manipulators as well as victims.
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Optimism has been a forgotten concept within psychology until relatively recently. Fortunately, during the last two decades interest in the scientific study of this construct has grown considerably. If we talk about its evaluation, the life orientation test is nowadays the maximum reference.
In this article we will know in depth its structure, its usefulness and its application possibilities. We will also learn what optimism consists of and what aspects of it are measured by the test we are dealing with today.
Attributional optimism and dispositional optimismTwo different definitions of optimism can be adopted: one focused on attributional style and the other on expectations. The focus on attributional style has a lot to do with how the person identifies causes for different events. In this sense, for those that are negative, optimistic people would tend to make more external, temporary, and specific attributions.
In contrast, pessimists tend to view unpleasant events as being directly related to their own person. Specifically, with immutable characteristics that will make them unable to avoid them again in the future.
On the contrary, those who hold an optimistic attribution style show a tendency to judge that what happened was caused by an external factor against which they will be able to intervene in the future or by a temporary internal factor, such as fatigue.
But this is not the definition of optimism that we seek to measure with the instrument we are talking about today. As its name suggests, this test is intended to measure life orientation. That is, the general tendency to have positive or negative expectations about what will happen in the future. This is called dispositional optimism.
From this perspective, optimistic people are those who tend to consider that the events that will occur in the future will be positive. On the other hand, pessimistic subjects tend to expect negative and unfavorable events.
The life orientation testIt is precisely this dispositional optimism that is measured with the life orientation test. It is a very simple and quick to apply assessment instrument. It consists of only 10 items (four of which are filler items) with statements about different ways of looking at life.
The person has to select his or her degree of agreement with each statement using a Likert-type scale ranging from 1 (completely disagree) to 5 (completely agree). Responses to all items are interpreted together to establish dispositional optimism. However, the test has a two-factor structure:
The first measures pessimistic orientation. The test statements representing this variable are as follows:
If something bad can happen to me, I am sure it will happen to me.
I rarely expect things to go my way.
I do not expect good things to happen to me.
The second factor directly assesses optimistic orientation. The issues it covers are presented below:
In times of uncertainty, I tend to think that the best will happen to me.
I am always optimistic about the future.
In general, I think that more good things will happen to me than bad things.
Usefulness of the life orientation test
This instrument, in spite of its simplicity, has proved to be useful when measuring dispositional optimism, standing out also for its discriminative capacity. However, it has also been shown that there is a relationship between this measure and the coping strategies employed by individuals.
Analyzing the literature, we can identify three coping styles. The first of these, focused on the problem, is characterized by trying to reduce the environmental demand that is generating the stress. That is, it tries to solve the problem or, at least, to try to reduce its impact.
Emotion-focused coping involves striving to eliminate or minimize the negative feelings being experienced. Finally, avoidance coping involves trying to avoid the problem and distracting oneself with other activities to avoid thinking about it.
It has been shown that people who score high in dispositional optimism tend to use problem-directed coping strategies, thus achieving greater success. In contrast, pessimistic individuals tend to focus on their negative emotions and mentally distance themselves from the problem. Therefore, additionally, the life orientation test can be used to identify coping styles.
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A journey to realistic optimism from Seligman’s hand
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The decision to stop breastfeeding, or the need to stop, is – as many women have found – a time of change. For some women, weaning is a relief. For others, however, stopping breastfeeding can be quite hard and can even lead to depression.
Weaning is a special time; a natural phase in the baby’s development and the process of motherhood. It is normal to feel saddened by the change, even if you are aware that this change is normal, but how is it possible that something initially so natural can be so difficult?
It is just as normal to feel that grief, which is more common than you might think.
In addition to this possible sadness or mild depression, some mothers may also experience irritability, anxiety or mood swings. These feelings are usually short-lived and tend to disappear within a few weeks. However, in some cases mothers experience more severe symptoms that may require treatment.
Weaning, sadness and depressionBut what causes these mood swings? There is very little research on the subject, but it has been hypothesized that hormonal changes are the main cause of mood swings after weaning.
One of the changes that occurs with weaning is a decrease in prolactin and oxytocin levels:
Prolactin, a hormone that is required for milk production, also brings with it a sense of well-being, calmness and relaxation.
Oxytocin, the hormone required for milk ejection (known as the love hormone), also produces feelings of well-being.
It makes sense, therefore, that a sudden decrease in these hormones may have an effect on the mother’s emotions at weaning.
Studies tell us that the more rapid the weaning process, the more abrupt the change in hormone levels and the more likely it is that adverse effects will be experienced. In addition, mothers who are forced to wean before they are ready (or for reasons beyond their control), along with mothers with a history of depressive symptoms, are more likely to experience depression after weaning.
Even for mothers who feel ready to wean and do so gradually, or who initially seem unaffected by having to stop breastfeeding, there may be some sense of loss and sadness.
For these women, weaning marks the end of physical unity with their child, the end of a very special period in their lives.
For many mothers, breastfeeding their child is not only a pleasant habit, it can become almost addictive.
In the case of prolonged breastfeeding, this phenomenon can be even more pronounced, but everything has its moment and, sooner or later, it has to stop. Overcoming sadness and mood swings after weaning can be easier by following these guidelines:
Exercise regularlyExercise releases hormones that naturally produce well-being and pleasure, especially if it is medium and high intensity exercise.
More moderate exercises such as yoga or pilates also work. It is also highly recommended to exercise outdoors (just walking) to get fresh air to oxygenate and improve the health of the body in general and the brain in particular.
Also, if you can exercise during the day, so much the better, as vitamin D helps improve your mood and immune system.
Breathe consciouslyThat pressure you get in your chest when you’re stressed is because you’re breathing too fast and not filling your lungs enough. Take a few minutes when you feel that pressure and slow down your breathing.
Drop your shoulders, close your eyes and breathe deeply and slowly until you feel the stress fade away and the pressure loosens.
Regulate your sleeping hours. Try to go to bed and get up at the same time every day. Regular sleep habits help regulate your hormones.
Control what you consume. Don’t compensate for fatigue with excessive consumption of stimulant drinks and sugary, starchy foods. Not only will this affect your physical and mental health, but it will delay your hormones from getting back in order.
Allow yourself time to have fun. Do fun things with your family and enjoy time alone with your partner. Cultivate your relationships, but also make time for yourself and your hobbies.
It facilitates the production of oxytocin. Hugging and kissing promote oxytocin production. And this is something you can do on a daily basis with your children and your partner, but also with your family and friends.
The debates around breastfeeding are still open. In this regard, mothers can consider some recommendations and discard others, starting with whether or not to breastfeed. In any case, breastfeeding is a stage that must give way to others and, as in any change, we must be careful in the transition, as it is a particularly delicate moment.
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Have you ever fallen in love with someone who could not be? Either because he/she was already with another person, because of an excessive age difference, because of a mismatch, etc… For whatever reasons, but with a person catalogued as impossible. These are some of the cases of impossible loves.
That it happens sometime is something normal because the unattainable is usually attractive, and especially in adolescence it usually happens. Like the typical student who falls in love with the teacher. But the problem comes when we always fall in love with people who can not be, then we would not be talking about bad luck but that we are unconsciously looking for it.
When we unconsciously look for impossible loves, there is a problem behind it.
3 Types of impossible loves1. Phantom loveIt is about idealizing a person, attributing to him or her the characteristics we have always dreamed of. It is called phantom because in reality this person is not as we think, but we deceive ourselves and believe that he or she is exactly as we would like him or her to be, so we fall in love with something that does not exist.
In psychoanalytic terms it is also called anaclitic love, which means that we choose to love someone in particular because he or she possesses the traits of someone very influential in childhood who satisfied our needs.
It is like when, for example, unconsciously, we fall in love with someone similar to our father/father figure. It would be a matter of satisfying a need for protection.
In this case, when the person realizes that in reality the loved one was not as he/she thought, he/she will become disenchanted and disappointed, then he/she will put his/her feet back on the ground and will stop idealizing and will see the defects of the person that he/she did not see at the beginning because of the idealizing blindness.
2. Narcissistic loveWhen we look for someone similar to us or with the traits that we would like to achieve. It is like a kind of exaggerated egoism where we believe we are superior and want to find someone equal.
These people are always looking for the ideal person and never find anyone good enough for them. Finding someone equal to you is very complicated, since we are unique beings, so whoever is looking for this kind of love does not usually find it.
In the end, this person ends up disenchanted, collecting love failures and experiences with multiple partners. He or she may end up alone.
3. Difficult loveThis is the one where it is very complicated to be able to realize that love. Examples: a teacher and a student, a significant age difference, a gay man from a straight man, a patient from a doctor, to look at people who are married or seriously committed, etc. ….
Usually this type of love is attractive because it is difficult, but if it is achieved it could be that the interest is lost, since it is usually a passing physical attraction, let’s say that it is usually more about something passionate than emotional.
Impossible loves are so called because they involve conflict.
These three types of love would be catalogued as “impossible” because they usually create conflicts, the first one because when we idealize the other person sooner or later we will be disappointed when we see that he or she is not as we thought, the second one because we will never find someone equal to us and the third one because it is very difficult to achieve it and if it were achieved it would rarely work in the long term.
According to psychoanalytic psychology, when we fall in love with impossibles is because of the unresolved Oedipus complex, in early childhood we fall in love with the father or mother even knowing that it is not right, depending on how it is resolved and how our parents treated us in that situation, we could always be stuck in falling in love with people who can not be.
The first thing to do is to ask ourselves why we are attracted to unattainable people, am I afraid to commit myself and by focusing on the impossible I don’t have to go through it, there are people who enter into love intimacy with stress, fear, danger, then by focusing on the impossible they enjoy the idyllic love but because it cannot be realized they feel safe in their comfort zone.
Another question to search for the root of the problem could be: am I looking to make up for a childhood deficiency? For example, if we have had an authoritarian and upright mother who has valued us little, unconsciously we return to fixate on someone unattainable to relive the childhood stage and get that this time if they pay attention to us or give us something emotional that we lacked.
The essential thing is to find the answer to the reason why we do not look at more attainable people. The most common reason is usually not being prepared to embark on a love relationship, due to insecurities and fears, since relationships are not a bed of roses, but involve a high degree of involvement and responsibility.
Impossible loves can be the result of a lack in childhood or a fear of commitment.
Then falling in love with people who cannot be, we enjoy the feelings, we release the adrenaline, we dream, we are happy fooling ourselves for a while, but deep down, we would be terrified of being reciprocated because idyllic love is very nice but facing reality is scary.
Before finding a partner, you have to work on yourself. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you won’t be ready to be with someone else. These conflicts with oneself are often the reason why many people are unconsciously always immersed in love affairs that cannot be realized.
Who doesn’t know someone who has never had a steady partner and lives on illusions, impossibilities and idealizations? If we look closely and analyze, we are sure to find that this person has personal problems.
The ideal would be to work on self-esteem and self-acceptance. Once we feel good about ourselves, we love and accept ourselves with our defects included, we would be ready to embark on a relationship and surely we would choose better the possible candidates to share our life.
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п»їThe Dodo bird conjecture: are all therapies the same?
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Do psychological therapies work? Yes, psychological therapies work. However, there are certain keys for this to really be the case. Claiming that therapy works is not the same as saying that all psychological therapies work or that they all have similar results. These controversial claims are set out in the Dodo bird verdict the Dodo bird conjecture.
Saul Rosenzweig, an American psychologist, put forward the Dodo bird conjecture in 1936, choosing that name for the eponymous character in Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland.
In this conjecture, Rosenzweig stated that all empirically validated psychotherapies, regardless of their specific, different and concrete elements, presented similar results.
What is an empirically validated therapy? In the methodological study of psychological therapies, the validity of one or another can be established. Rosenzweig, in the conjecture of the Dodo bird, did not say that any therapy was valid, but spoke exclusively of empirically validated therapies or well-established treatments.
Thus, depending on the criteria it meets, it is considered a therapy:
Well-established treatment: this is the group of therapies that the American psychologist is talking about. For a therapy to be considered a well-established treatment, at least two studies with group design must have been carried out by different researchers. In these studies, the efficacy of the treatment had to be demonstrated.
A treatment is effective when its results are superior to those of pharmacological treatment, placebo and other treatments or when it is equivalent to other established treatments or therapies.
If group design studies cannot be carried out, a treatment can also be considered well-established if it has a large series of single case studies in which data on its effects are collected.
Probably effective treatment: A therapy is established as probably effective when it is shown to be more effective than the waiting list in the control group, i.e., it is more effective than if people received no treatment at all. The treatment would also be included in this group if, even if two studies with a cluster design were carried out, both were developed by the same investigator. This is also the case when the study sample is small.
Experimental-phase treatment: this category includes promising therapies, but which do not meet the criteria of the previous phases.
What do meta-analyses say about the Dodo bird conjecture? Wampold, Mondin et al. (1997) carried out a meta-analysis of the different results obtained in different psychotherapies, comparing them. They wanted to see if it was true what Rosenzweig said in 1937.
Is it true that all empirically validated therapies, whether cognitive-behavioral or dialectical behavioral, for example, have similar results?
Under this premise, what would be the point of fighting between different psychological currents, if in the end the effects are the same?
The results that Wampold et al. obtained did not falsify the Dodo bird conjecture. In fact, they found evidence to support Rosenzweig’s conjecture. Comparing the results of the therapies studied, they observed that the efficacy of the empirically validated treatments was very similar, and their effect sizes were close to 0.
The superiority of cognitive-behavioral therapyThe predominance of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has been defended tooth and nail by the psychological community. Its good results and efficacy are evident and it is therefore a well-established treatment.
However, is it true that CBT achieves superior results to other therapies?
Wampold, FlГјckiger, Del Re et al. (2017) conducted three meta-analyses of the different results obtained by cognitive-behavioral therapy.
The conclusion they reached is that the meta-analytic evidence shows that CBT is not superior to the other therapies in outcomes. Therefore, it seems that CBT is also included in the Dodo bird conjecture.
In 1992, Lambert sought to identify the factors that influenced the outcome of a therapy. Although his conclusions came from research and not from a meta-analysis -with a solid statistical basis-, he advanced that the weight of the specific techniques of each therapy was 15 percent. On the other hand, it also reflects that the client’s expectations would also have a significant weight on the final outcome of the intervention.
What is interesting to note is how Lambert considered that extratherapeutic and patient-specific factors constituted 40 percent of therapeutic change, while 30 percent of therapeutic change was attributed to factors common to all therapies.
Norcross and Lambert reviewed the latter’s study in 2011. Among other conclusions, they stated that the method or treatment chosen (always speaking of course of empirically validated therapies) had a weight of only 8% in the therapeutic change.
Knowing the results of the different meta-analyses done on the subject, it seems that there is no evidence to falsify the hypothesis of the Dodo bird conjecture: the exclusive elements of each therapy are only responsible for 15% of the therapeutic change.
Elements common to all therapies double their influence on therapeutic change. What are these elements that appear in all therapies?
Bergin and Garfield, assisted by Lambert, present in their Handbook of Psychotherapy and Behavior Change as many as 33 elements common to all empirically validated therapies. Some of them are:
Trust.
Cognitive learning.
Change of expectations of personal effectiveness.
Warmth, empathy, respect, authenticity.
Assimilation of problematic experiences.
Cognitive mastery.
Emotional regulation.
Affective experience.
These studies seem to show that the common elements in therapy, such as those mentioned above, have more weight in therapeutic change than those elements that are different.
Therefore, it seems more important to work on the therapeutic alliance, cohesion, empathy or consensus on objectives, rather than seeking the superiority of one model or another.
Conclusions: the Dodo bird seems to be rightThus, according to the various meta-analyses, it seems that the Dodo bird’s conjecture is true. So far, empirically validated therapies seem to produce similar results – speaking of groups, not of particular outcomes.
This is explained because in the process of change there are other variables with a lot of weight in the final result. Does this mean that the currents should disappear, and there should be only one type of therapy? This does not have to be so.
It is unknown whether a single therapeutic model would be beneficial to users. What we do know, however, is that the diversity of therapies responds to a human nature that is also very heterogeneous. While maintaining these common elements, different therapies can be useful for the user.
Perhaps there are people who prefer the methodology of cognitive-behavioral therapy, others who are better suited to a behavioral activation therapy and others who work more comfortably in an interpersonal therapy.
The approaches are usually different and can be better or worse adapted to the particularities of each client. Thus, the most accurate conclusion of this article would be that the conjecture of the Dodo bird has not been falsified.
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This letter speaks of autism. Of the reality that accompanies thousands of families. Of the fear of the unknown. Of society’s rejection. Of the puzzle of autism. Of the pain of thousands of mothers and fathers around the world.
But, above all, it speaks of the pain of a child, of incomprehension and abandonment. It speaks of the lost and irretrievable, of the need to turn around and rethink our attitudes. It speaks of inclusion from the cradle, not integration.
This is the letter written by the mother of a boy with autism on her facebook page “My Boy Blue”. In it, the boy is identified with blue, the color autism is identified with to raise awareness in society. Why has it become a symbol? Because it represents what families and people who live with autism experience on a daily basis.
Blue has the peculiarity of being bright like the sea on a summer day and darkening like a stormy sea. It is a graphic way to represent the challenges that lie behind the diagnosis of autism.
My Boy Blue’s letter to make us all think “When I created this page I promised myself that this year I would make people understand autism. My main wish for this year is to make the “judgers” understand. When you find out you are going to be a mom, you dream of holding your baby for the first time, you dream of dressing them, obsessing over their every move. You dream of their first word, the first time they will clap their hands, the first time they will say goodbye and of course their first steps. All the “normal” things.
Well, in my house these things are far from normal. Yes, we had some of them, but they are gone. Words lost, milestones lost and many tears were cried along the way. And it’s not because he’s lazy. He’s not acting out. My little guy is just like your son, he loves to dance, he loves to be held, he cries when he falls, and he loves Mickey.
However, he is “wired differently”. The little things we take for granted every day are the hardest things for him. Different lights, sounds, smells, or even the appearance of something can cause an overload that is too difficult for my toddler.
“Normal things” like shopping, playing in a children’s play area, or even a haircut can be unbearable for him. To the people who look at him because he hums, join in his little song, because in his eyes he is singing the best song in the world.
To mothers who keep their children away from him, they are creating the bullies of the future. Children don’t notice differences, they just want to play, let them. To the lady who called him bold in the supermarket, try to look at things from his perspective.
To the friends who have disappeared, I hope this never knocks on your door. I wouldn’t trade my little man for the world and if you can’t understand him and how his brain works, then you don’t deserve to be in his life.
Children with needs are the bravest, and most amazing people in this world. They are fighting battles that no one knows about and I guarantee that not even an adult would overcome half the obstacles. So this year I ask you to think before you judge, live one day in my child’s shoes and you will understand what a superhero really is.”
How do you understand a person with autism? Autism is a great unknown, so socially it is even disturbing. Thus, Angel RiviГ©re, in 1996, made a small summary of what a person with autism would ask of us. We bring you part of this reflection point by point below:
Help me to understand. Organize my world and make it easier for me to anticipate what is going to happen. Give me order, structure, not chaos.
Don’t be anxious with me, because I get anxious. Respect my rhythm. You will always be able to relate to me if you understand my needs and my special way of understanding reality. Don’t get depressed, it is normal for me to advance and develop more and more.
Do not talk to me too much or too fast. Words are “air” that do not weigh you down, but they can be a very heavy burden for me. They are often not the best way to relate to me.
Like other children, like other adults, I need to share pleasure and I like to do things well, even if I don’t always get it right. Let me know, in some way, when I have done things well and help me to do them without failures. When I have too many failures, what happens to me is what happens to you: I get irritated and end up refusing to do things.
I need more order than you need, more predictability in the middle than you require. We have to negotiate my rituals in order to live together.
I find it difficult to understand the meaning of many of the things you ask me to do. Help me to understand. Try to ask me for things that can have a concrete and decipherable meaning for me. Don’t allow me to be bored or inactive.
Do not invade me excessively. Sometimes people are too unpredictable, too noisy, too stimulating. Respect the distance I need, but do not leave me alone.
What I do is not against you. When I have a tantrum or hit myself, if I destroy something or move excessively, when it is difficult for me to attend or do what you ask me to do, I am not trying to hurt you. Since I have a problem of intentions, do not attribute bad intentions to me!
My development is not absurd, even if it is not easy to understand. It has its own logic and many of the behaviors you call “altered” are ways of facing the world from my special way of being and perceiving. Make an effort to understand me.
You other people are too complicated. My world is not complex and closed, but simple. Although it may seem strange to you what I am telling you, my world is so open, so without concealment or lies, so naively exposed to others, that it is difficult to penetrate it. I don’t live in an “empty fortress”, but in a plain so open that it can seem inaccessible. I am much less complicated than people who think of themselves as normal.
Don’t always ask me for the same things or demand the same routines. You don’t have to become autistic to help me. I am the autistic one, not you!
We have to help a person with autism to protect themselves with their shield, since they see and hear too intensely. We have to understand that being “rude” is not their intention, but that they function in a way that does not correspond to social expectations.
People with autism are not empty shells, they are people with personalities, feelings and needs. Let us not ask them to be “normal”, let us try to help them and not to control them, let us work from hope to create a better world.
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п»їThe most beautiful people I know
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“The most beautiful people I have encountered are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, humility and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people don’t come out of nowhere.”
Elisabeth KГјbler- Ross
The most beautiful people I know are those who have faced life, its harshness and its injustice. They are the ones who have felt vulnerable and hopeless, the ones who have suffered real heartbreak and trouble on their skin.
Beautiful people are not necessarily the most beautiful on the outside but they enjoy a special beauty. Beautiful people are those who have been able to forgive, move forward and lend a hand even when they were defeated, thus discovering the greatness of their being.
People are wonderful, but there are those who are truly extraordinary. They are those people who have hit rock bottom, who have been hit hard by fate or by chance. They are truly on another level.
They are women and men who at some point lost what gave them life, joy and the will to go on, but who found within themselves the impulse they needed. This is the greatest beauty I know because it eclipses the banal, the superfluous, the trivial and those little things that sometimes seem so important to us.
They have prevented suffering from taking their lives prematurely and do not want to make what happened their regret. Perhaps it is this balance that gives them another aura that makes them worthy of admiration. They know fear and despair so well that they have had no choice but to confront them.
These people are aware that, when faced with a problem, there are an infinite number of ways to deal with it. It is not that they are better or worse, it is that they have developed a unique ability to deal with them. That, undoubtedly, makes them special.
At first, it is likely that, like all of us, they will refuse to accept what has happened and will not be able to measure the scope of what is coming to them. As it is logical, they also get angry, sad and, sometimes, they would be willing to make a pact with the devil so that it would not happen to them. Where they differ is in their extraordinary ability to dawn.
In truth they are heroes, the only reality they contemplate is the importance of life and, for that reason, they do not see the sense in complicating it beyond the thousands of thoughts they unravel every day.
It is precisely their emotional richness and ability to balance the accounts with their feelings that is surprising. These people do not see the glass as half full or half empty, they see in it something they can drink and use.
They know that you are not rich until you have something that money cannot buy. They know the importance of empathizing because they understand the need for someone to care about how we feel and not to judge us.
They know the importance of being loyal and appreciating the one who, in their suffering, did not separate from them. They understand that anything can disappear in an instant and that is why they know how important it is to be kind, keep a good mood and enjoy life every day.
Everyone has setbacks in life. The more numerous they are, the more we learn and mature. It is often said that when the lesson is learned, the pain disappears, even if scars remain on our body and soul. This is why the most beautiful people I know are those who have not had an easy time walking the paths of their history. It’s not that they have overcome fear and pain, it’s that they know that you can’t heal what you refuse to face.
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п»їTogether, but not mixed up: summer and the couple’s relationship
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Summer vacations are a test for any couple’s relationship, since they go from sharing a few hours a day and weekends to being together 24 hours a day. Summer vacations are a situation that requires an adaptation, which will be a success or a failure, depending on the characteristics of the couple’s relationship and the psychological flexibility of each of its members.
Below we will explain why the couple’s relationship is affected by the vacations, what are the main conflicts that couples go through in summer and how you can improve your relationship with 3 following three simple ideas.
Do vacations affect the couple’s relationship more than other relationships? Yes, the answer is yes. The couple relationship has some characteristics that differentiate it from other interpersonal relationships, such as family, friendship or work relationships. Unlike relationships with family members, with whom in most cases we understand these relationships as unconditional (no matter what happens is family), the couple relationship is conditional (depending on how it goes, we will be together or not).
For these reasons, it is very common to have more patience with family members than with a partner. Because, even if it is unconsciously, we always have in mind the idea that we have chosen our partner, while the family we have is what it is and cannot be chosen. Generally speaking, we are more tolerant with our nuclear and direct family members (mother, father, brothers, sisters, cousins, etc.) than with our partner, with whom we are more demanding.
How do vacations affect the couple’s relationship? Summer and vacations generate important changes in our routine. During most of the year we are aware of schedules, routines, tasks (children, work) and the couple is in the background. Therefore, we function more as a team than as a couple on a romantic level.
With the arrival of summer, the couple comes to the forefront, since it is the time when you have more free time to spend together. By moving to the foreground and devoting more attention and time to it, a series of frictions arise that, if not managed correctly, end up causing conflicts or problems.
Problem nВє1: “It’s as if my partner is bothering me “This problem arises when, accustomed to being “on our own” or rather, we are more concerned about ourselves and our obligations, we are “forced” to leave part of our own time and space and give it to our partner. In other words, if during the whole year you spend little time with your partner because you take care of your work, social life and children when you have them, during the summer vacations you find yourself in the situation of sharing a lot of time with your partner and you may not be used to it.
Even if people have been together for a long time and function well throughout the year, they have different and unique interests and habits. Throughout the year you can meet your individual needs, but during the summer vacations, as you spend more time with your partner, you need to attend to his or her interests and needs as well. This can be experienced with some discomfort, which is normal, but we must know how to handle it correctly so as not to identify our partner as a person who “annoys us” because he/she does not let us do the things we “always do”.
“Love begins when one person feels that the needs of another are as important as his or her own.”
-Harry S. Sullivan
Problem #2: “We don’t take advantage of time on vacation, we don’t do anything “There are couples who get angry because they have the feeling that they don’t take advantage of time on vacation. They either stay at home, go to a town to see their family or even take a trip that turns out to be a bad experience. In these cases, conflict arises when both partners are left waiting for the other to plan vacation time or take the initiative and propose activities, outings or trips.
It may be that it is a couple in which one partner has adopted the role of “proposing and directing” and the other the role of “doing and not suggesting”. It may be that one of the partners does not have the facility to propose leisure activities on vacation and therefore, the other partner is in charge of proposing and planning. The conflict arises when the one who “proposes and directs” gets tired of being the one who pulls the cart, and then, the responsibility of taking advantage of the time on vacation falls on a person who does not know how to do it because, basically, he/she has never done it.
Thus, both members of the couple put on the other the responsibility to take advantage of the vacations and as neither takes the reins of the situation (each one for their own personal reasons) the vacations become a time of reproaches regarding what to do and what not to do. The moment comes when we reproach the other for not having gone to one place or another because he or she did not say so, did not propose it, or because although the activity or outing was suggested, neither of us took the step to do it.
It is normal that we see attitudes and behaviors in our partner that we like and dislike, and that we always have certain expectations about how the other person should be. And the more time we spend with a person, it is normal that those “defects” that we observe in him or her bother us more. Thus, when we spend more time with our partner, we have the feeling that what bothers us becomes even more annoying. In this way, instead of developing tolerance or habitation, what increases is our susceptibility.
For example, if it bothers you that your partner is slow when getting up in the morning, when this happens on vacation you will feel a significant level of discomfort. Since, this habit can lead you to spend the morning doing nothing, be late to places you want to visit or have the feeling that the partner slows you down and you can not take advantage of the vacations.
At this point the conflict arises when the characteristics of the partner that I do not like are valued more than those that I do like. In addition, people become more demanding with each other on vacation because it is a period of time that we have been waiting for all year, in which we invest money and time. For these reasons, on vacations we have a narrower margin of tolerance to frustration, we want everything to be perfect and we put up less with setbacks that at other times we would accept without getting upset.
Is it inevitable to have a couple’s crisis during the vacations? It is true that summer puts many couples to the test. However, as long as the relationship is a healthy and solid one. So, there may be arguments on vacation as a result of spending more time with each other, but there doesn’t have to be a couple crisis.
As the best way to not have a crisis in summer is to work on a personal level to have a good couple relationship. To do this, below we explain a series of practical ideas to improve and grow your couple relationship.
3 ideas to keep couple conflicts at bay this summer.
1. Strive to find the positive points that you like about your partner and let them knowIt is very important that we always have our 5 senses ready to detect what I like most about my partner. We human animals have a strong tendency to retain and value the negative more than the positive. And we have to actively fight against this tendency in order to grow the bond that unites us with our partner.
“Follow your heart but take your brain with you.”
-Alfred Adler
In addition, it is of vital importance to let the other know those details that we like most about him or her. It is very comforting to be told what we are good at, to be told that we are attractive gives us a great boost of positive energy that gives us a reflection of our best angles.
2. Practice good communication, with active listening, empathy and eye contactCommunication is the key element in successfully articulating differences with a partner. It is also a vehicle that allows us to establish powerful and intimately connected relationships. For communication to be effective, it has to be through active listening, empathy and eye contact. Letting the other person know that I have all my senses.
3. Plan vacations and contemplate a time for each of you to be “on your own “Being on vacation does not have to mean spending all your time together. It is very healthy and beneficial for the couple to have moments in which each one can be on their own without being aware of the other. Knowing how to be with yourself is the best recipe for gaining security and self-confidence and projecting this into your relationship. Allow yourself a moment of intimacy and solitude to help you connect with your individual emotions and needs.
Finally, remember that your relationship is a part of your life that you need to nurture and cultivate throughout the year. The summer will test your relationship, if the relationship is solid and the positive points are more than the negative ones, an argument does not have to represent that your partner is going bad or lead to a breakup.
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Money is not only a means to acquire goods. A lot of emotions are born and flourish around it. In fact, getting more money is the central point of many people’s agenda and spending left and right is the ideal that drives more than one person to nightmares.
Sad as it is to admit, consumption helps some people to cover up or compensate for a number of their emotional needs and shortcomings in this day and age. Everything works in a subtle way. What is not subtle are the bills at the end of the month where it is clear that you fell into the trap of spending more than you have.
“My mother started buying on credit. My father never liked that. ‘Credit,’ he always said, ‘is the first step to debt, it is the beginning of the return to slavery.'”
-Malcolm X
Today’s economy wants us in debt, which is incredibly profitable for many. They induce us to spend more than we earn by “facilitating” our purchases as much as possible.
They force us to spend because they know we carry some discomfort. Advertising and marketing do everything possible to form the idea that what happens to us can be solved by buying, although they do not do it directly, but under insinuations and suggestions.
Spending to cover up difficultiesIt is common for those who overspend to have a lack of stimuli or incentives in their lives. They go shopping to “feel better”. This is because shopping feeds an unconscious sense of power and control. The market is at your feet and it is you who decides what you wear and what you don’t wear. The customer is right. The customer is treated with deference. There you have the first compensation for what frustrates you.
Later, when you already have an over-indebtedness, you can also find in it a mechanism to deal with your discomfort with life. Owing money and falling into the web of credit also helps you to cover up some unresolved grief, or some anguish that does not stop.
It is easier to manage the idea that we stay awake thinking about how to pay debts and not that we do it for a vague and latent reason. It is also easier to live in terms of adjusting the bank accounts, than to assume a generalized feeling of dissatisfaction.
Manipulation to spendThere are two psychological realities that make consumers particularly manipulable: fear and guilt. The mechanisms of persuasion used by advertising are almost always related to these two emotions. The message you get is indirect. They usually stage an everyday situation in which tranquility and well-being are associated with the consumption of a product. Of course, it is up to your free interpretation what happens when you do not consume it.
There are also other ways to manipulate. In 1977, an experiment was conducted at Cornell University (USA). A group of individuals were given a fake test. One of the participants, who was actually an undercover researcher, left the room and then returned with free refreshments for several. At the end of the supposed test, the same insider asked them to buy raffle tickets. Those who had received the refreshment bought twice as many numbers.
They then repeated the experiment, but this time there were no free refreshments. Only a small number of participants bought the tickets. It was found that such gifts decisively induce people to buy, to spend money. That’s why you get so many free samples when you go to a supermarket. It’s also why you get freebies from the store for various reasons. They know you’re going to spend more money on your next purchase.
There are many examples. There are areas that specialize in studying consumer behavior. The system, particularly the financial system, needs us eager to buy and indebted for life. They sell us a fantasy of false control and false satisfaction and that is the first thing we buy from them. That’s what it’s all about.
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п»їDoes the use of technology bring us closer or push us away?
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Smartphones have breathed new life into the way we communicate. Messaging, e-mail and social networks, all in a single device and at our fingertips. But sometimes, paradoxically, what should be bringing us closer together seems to be moving us further apart. Since the abuse or misuse of technology is leading human beings to a virtual relational world and away from the real one.
Few would argue that the new communication tools are useful. Used well, they are excellently positive because they contribute to make the local, global and the global, local. They bring closer and give visibility to what was previously distant. For example, a videoconference can bring people from different parts of the world together and give them the option of seeing each other’s faces. Social networks are valid ways to find people we haven’t seen for a long time and get back in touch.
When technology isolatesThe dilemma here lies in the misuse and abuse of these tools, especially among children, adolescents and young people. Many of them, spend hours in front of the computer monitor waiting for responses from their friends on social networks.
They also spend hours without looking at someone in front of them because the cell phone has them trapped in sending and receiving messages permanently. It is enough to go out on the street and find this scene all the time. And not only among the youngest, but also among adults.
Let’s take an example. Take a look at the number of families or groups of friends who, when they go out for dinner or a drink, have their members using their cell phones on the table. Sometimes, they don’t even exchange words for minutes. Wouldn’t it be nicer and more adaptive to talk about experiences, tell curiosities or simply enjoy the company of others by looking them in the eye? What do you think?
The misuse of these devices, by constantly distancing us from face-to-face relationships, sooner or later makes us feel isolated, even if we think we remain more connected than ever. And, for some people, it can lead to depression or other difficulties.
Making good use of new technologies is the best way to avoid losing human contact.
For example, with the cell phone we can make quick queries, look for restaurants, gas stations… We can also make a call from anywhere and at any time. Now you can even pay for purchases by simply downloading an application and bringing the device close to you.
The main advantage of e-mail is that it can provide an asynchronous response, especially in the professional sphere.
Social networks can help us create projects, keep us updated, follow streaming events, know what our friends are doing, increase our network of professional contacts or find people we haven’t seen for a long time.
Another important issue has to do with the time we dedicate to our computer and cell phone (outside working hours). In this case, the best thing to do is to dedicate no more than a couple of hours each day to have time for ourselves and to give others what I call our real time.
Is it the same to waste time sending messages as it is to meet in one place and use that time talking?
Words cannot be substitutedLooking at each other’s faces and being able to establish a real contact with the other makes us grow, nourishes and enriches us. A smile, a hug, a facial gesture of complicity… You wouldn’t trade it for anything, would you?
So, if you are one of those people who spend too many hours hooked to the mobile, tablet or computer, try to go out and leave the “whatsapp” a little aside. This way, you will be able to make room for more encounters between people around you. There is no substitute for a good conversation.
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What are lapses? Let’s look at the following example:
An anatomy professor asks his students if they understood what he explained in class. They all answered yes. To this, the teacher replied, “I don’t think so, for the people who truly understand these matters can be counted, even in this great city of over a million people, on one finger.” He soon realizes that he is saying something other than what he apparently meant and corrects himself, “Sorry, not with one finger, but with the fingers of one hand.”
At first glance, the indignant professor simply exchanged a couple of words and said something meaningless. But, on closer inspection, we may realize that his equivocation does make sense, even if it is hidden. His words imply that “only one of the fingers (assistants) understood”. Or perhaps, that “only one of the fingers was able to count and define who understood and who did not”.
Such is the language of the unconscious: encrypted. It is not given in a reasonable way, but in terms of the absurd. It always demands an interpretation in order to be understood. “The unconscious betrays us,” it is popularly said. In reality, however, exactly the opposite is true: the unconscious is loyal to what we really think or feel.
Olympic lapsesUnder the denomination of lapses are grouped several types of mistakes: the oral ones or lapsus linguae (when one word is said for another), in writing (when something different from what was intended is written), in reading (when reading something different from what is written), and false hearing (when something different from what has been said is heard).
Millions of people have witnessed memorable slip of the tongue, such as that of George Busch when he said, “Our enemies are innovative and ingenious, and so are we. They never stop thinking of new methods to harm our country and our people, nor do we.”
The slip of the tongue of Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, former Prime Minister of Spain, speaking about a trade agreement to promote tourism, also went around the world, he said, “An agreement to stimulate, to favor, to fuck”….
The Colombian president, Juan Manuel Santos, wanted to say that citizens had voted in favor of reelection, instead he said: “That does not invalidate the number of votes that were cast in favor of corruption”. Presidential candidate Alfredo Perez Rubacalba stated: “Now, I do tell you that if I govern, you will have unemployment…”. Evidently he meant the opposite.
Chilean Congressman Pepe Auth was going to mention Jacqueline Van Rysselberghe, but he mispronounced her last name and instead said: “Jacqueline Van Rysselberga”. Fortunately, this lapse proved that the deputy has a great sense of humor.
In short, no one is spared from lapses. Now, is it all as innocent as it seems?
Everyday mistakesEveryday life is full of little blunders, which are hardly given any importance. Taking the wrong bus route, forgetting the name of a person we talk to every day, not knowing where the keys to get into the house ended up?
These apparently insignificant mistakes, which for a long time went unnoticed by positivist scientists, took on a different weight in the framework of psychoanalysis.
Not that these errors have excessive relevance on their own. On the contrary, they represent a gateway to broader phenomena. Lapses reveal a conflict between two forces that are in tension in a person. One of them is conscious (what one wants to say or do). The other is unconscious (what is really thought or felt about something, but is repressed for various reasons).
Lapses, like so many other expressions of the unconscious, cause hilarity. But beyond their anecdotal function, they are an excellent way to recognize those areas of ourselves that would otherwise remain in the dark.
Finally, in the words of the father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud:
“One is master of what one keeps silent about and slave of what one speaks.” “We are not always free from making the same mistakes we laugh at others for.”
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Henko or гЃёг‚“гЃ“гЃ† is a Japanese word that refers to a transformative change in which there is no possibility of return to the initial state. On many occasions it is a very big step forward in our personal growth and a proof that we are able to bet on us, being a reflection precisely of this act of courage. We are talking about that turning point that lifts us above fear and worries, transforming our vital attitude.
Beyond what we may think, few words capture concepts as basic, but at the same time as important, as henko. Having the ability to transform oneself, to evolve, to move forward and expand the level of consciousness is key to overcome obstacles, dissolve discouragement and emerge stronger from the situations we face. Henko is a representation, that of the fruit of resilience.
“In life, it is so at every key moment, we have to give up a part of who we are to become what we can really be. Change is not free, of course, and it only nourishes us if it leads us to transformation.”
-Alex Rovira
Change to move forwardMuch of our difficulties would be solved if we introduced a henko, a transformational change in our lives. The problem is that most of the time we are not willing, we do not know how to do it or we are afraid of the new. It is known, for example, that some people prefer to stay in their comfort zone, continuing with the same coping strategies, despite not feeling well. In fact, they sometimes make real efforts to avoid a change that would otherwise come naturally.
The truth is that we all get dizzy with the unknown, that which we cannot predict, that which escapes our calculations and therefore our control. Hence, when we mismanage this vertigo, we end up consumed and emotionally exhausted because we choose to curl up and keep our place instead of embracing change. In this sense, there may be many reasons for transformation, but they are all ethereal if there is no element at the base: conviction, desire, motivation.
Thus, risk is imprinted in our heartbeat; on the other hand, we need to tolerate it to a certain degree in order to move forward: to assume that there will be a moment when none of our feet will touch the ground. But make no mistake, not every mutation can transform us. Sometimes we change at the same level at which we find ourselves, that is, we make a first order change, which is why we find ourselves immersed in the same dynamic after a short time.
To grow, to start a new path we have to introduce a change at a higher level or second order change, as Paul Watzlawick would say. Now, what does this mean?
The types of change according to Paul WatzlawickExperts in systems theories consider that there are two opposing tendencies when it comes to change. The first of these would have to do with remaining in a stationary steady state and the second with producing new forms, both derived from the mathematical theory of logical types.
The Austrian psychologist Paul Watzlawick called these tendencies change 1 or first-order change and change 2 or second-order change, respectively. To explain both, he used the following example: “A person who has a nightmare can do many things within the nightmare: run, hide, scream, etc., but no change in one of these behaviors can end the nightmare”.
Thus, this type of change is called change 1. That is, these are modifications and strategies that have to do with the same dynamics in which the person finds himself and that are based on negative feedback.
On the other hand, he called change type 2 that which occurs qualitatively and is based on positive feedback, i.e. which increases deviations and gives way to the formation of new structures. If we consider the previous example, it would be the awakening. The only way out of the nightmare would be a change in dreaming, i.e. a change of reality, of perspective.
Another example can be found in a frequent case in consultation: some parents ask for psychological help when their child’s school performance drops. Surely, they have carried out some actions such as punishing him/her, reducing extracurricular activities or going out with friends.
These would be type 1 changes. The problem is that they do not manage to solve the situation. Now, the therapist, after analyzing and interviewing the different members of the family, observes that both his grandmother and his older sister have gone to live at home and this has changed the dynamics of the relationships between all the members. What does type 2 change consist of? The family’s way of relating to each other would have to be modified to adapt to this new situation.
Perhaps it is better understood if we think of that person who has begun to feel sad, apathetic, unmotivated and melancholic. In her attempt to improve herself, she has decided to join a gym, go out more and experiment with creative activities – all type 1 changes. The problem is that, despite all this, she does not feel good, but rather distracted. What can she do? Introduce a type 2 change: change your perspective, your view of reality and manage your feelings. This will really enable you to make a transformational change.
“Change is inevitable. Change for the better is a full-time job.”
-Adlai E. Stevenson
Henko: a change, a new destinyAs we see, changing is a phenomenon of several dimensions, especially if we want it to transcend, that is, if we wish to bring about a henko. Thus, it is not enough just to want to change and implement a different action, but first it is necessary to analyze the perspective we have on what is happening to us.
We may think that our vision of reality is the correct one and that the world should be built and behave according to our precepts. However, how can we be so sure? Is it not true that two people can observe and explain the same fact differently? What is certain is that each one of us constructs and works with a reality of our own, particular, individual and hardly interchangeable. Therefore, why not investigate other visions to solve what ails us?
It is not easy, it is true. But precisely because of the complexity involved, it is necessary to combine the breath of illusion with a point of calm. Questioning our vision of the world is not something that is achieved in a short time and in fact, we will not be satisfied until we are in harmony with our ultimate nature, that which is naked of worries, fears and distortions. Thus, true well-being is only possible after transcending our ego.
A transformative change, a henko, is an exercise of courage in which we face ourselves, our comfort, the schemes we have been building for years, the ideas that one day made our life easier.
In this sense, we are the most complicated opponent, but also the one that will provide us with the most lessons and the one that offers us the possibility of empowerment if we do not let ourselves be carried away by its traps and mind games. Finally, although change is a constant in our universe, and being aware of it helps us to evolve, the important thing is to illuminate the paths that serve us to grow, using what we have learned and with the encouragement of all that we can discover.
A henko is the opportunity to be reborn through calm and personal strength.
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п»їJoker and Harley Quinn, a toxic relationship.
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The relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn is one of the best known in the world of animation and comics, both are two of the antagonists of the Batman character. They are so charismatic that they have generated great admiration from the public. It is clear that both are central to the Batman universe, enjoy great reputations and bring humor and tension to the fictional city of Gotham. Of course, Batman wouldn’t be the same without the Joker… and the Joker wouldn’t have the same charm without Harley Quinn. But what kind of relationship do they have?
If we analyze the relationship a little, if we go a little deeper into the characters, we will immediately realize that something does not fit, that it is not a healthy relationship and that Harley Quinn is probably living a situation of manipulation from which she is not able to escape.
The characters: Joker and Harley QuinnThe Joker’s origin is somewhat uncertain, he changes the versions of his past as it suits him and his character is shrouded in mystery. His characteristic appearance (green hair, white skin and red lips) is due to a fall in a chemical waste deposit that would modify his appearance forever. The Joker, as his name suggests, is a prankster: he has a somewhat circus-like appearance and his macabre plans are accompanied by touches of humor, card games and elements that we associate with clowns.
He is not Batman’s only enemy, but he is arguably the most charismatic. He is a witty, manipulative, lying, selfish and self-centered character, with a psychopathic profile who enjoys the suffering of others. The Joker loves no one, only himself. He looks for fun and laughter almost like a child, and he does not care who he harms with that.
There are countless versions of the Joker and multiple differences between them, the comic, the animated series, the movies and the different actors who have been in charge of playing him… However, his image and personality make him easily recognizable to the general public.
Harley Quinn is his eternal crush, we know a little more about her in Mad Love. Her real name is Harleen Quinzel, she was an outstanding gymnast and, thanks to that, she got a scholarship to enter the university; she studied psychiatry and got very good grades, although in a not very honest way. Eventually, she works at Arkham Asylum, where the Joker is interned.
When she meets the Joker at Arkham, she is fascinated by his personality from the very beginning. We see in Mad Love that he comes clean with her and tells her about traumatic experiences from his past, experiences that we later discover are not true and that Harley is not the only one who knows them. But Harley begins to fall in love, and blinded by that love, she is unable to see the psychopath that is Joker: she only sees in him someone who has suffered and Batman as her great enemy.
Therefore, Harley steals a Harlequin costume, in honor of the nickname given to him by his beloved Joker, and manages to rescue him from Arkham. From this moment on, she will begin her criminal career and will build her character, a villain fascinated by pranks and circus appearance who has two hyenas as pets.
Joker sees in Harley an opportunity to escape from Arkham, he sees in her someone to trust, because her devotion to him is infinite. She falls madly in love and he will take advantage of this situation.
Joker and Harley Quinn’s toxic relationshipJoker even goes so far as to physically and psychologically abuse her and even tries to kill her. But Harley is not aware of this manipulation, she is submissive and devoted, she is satisfied with a minimum show of affection. Although there are some episodes in which we see some rebellion on her part, some rapprochement with reality; for example, as when she joins Poison Ivy and tries to get ahead with her new friend.
Although in the background we realize that most of her actions are motivated to try to impress the Joker and, for Harley, the Joker’s opinion will be fundamental, it will determine her actions and decisions. As we can see, the relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn is a clear example of toxicity.
Harley Quinn is always at his disposal, she dreams of ending Batman because she thinks that, in this way, she will be able to fully enjoy their relationship. In other words, she looks for culprits to justify the Joker’s attitude and always has arguments to defend him. She deludes herself into believing that their love is reciprocal and that, someday, they will live happily ever after.
All this makes Harley improve a plan of the Joker to kill Batman, proving to be very clever and being closer than ever to finish him off. The irony of the matter is that it is the Joker himself who, out of pride and his inability to accept that Harley has surpassed him, pushes her off a building and rescues Batman.
It is true that on some occasions we observe certain feelings on the part of the Joker towards Harley, but in many cases, it is also manipulation or the character’s own madness. It is possible that the Joker has feelings for her, but his pride and love for himself are much stronger.
Harley has idealized the Joker, she has idealized the relationship and everything around it. She has totally lost her sanity because of her unhealthy infatuation, which he feeds with tiny tokens of affection to ensure her loyalty. But the truth is that all this has created in Harley a huge insecurity, we see it when her great enemy Batman manages to manipulate her on more than one occasion, creating in her fear and insecurity, although he is really telling her the truth about the Joker.
Suicide Squad, an updated versionFollowing the release of the Suicide Squad movie in 2016, the characters of Joker and Harley Quinn have become extremely popular. The Joker is played by Jared Leto, an actor and singer well known to younger audiences; and Harley is played by Margot Robbie.
It is true that we have seen other Jokers in cinema such as Jack Nicholson for Tim Burton’s film, and that the Joker most acclaimed by audiences and critics was the late Heath Ledger; but there is no doubt that this new updated version with an aesthetic more in line with our times has created a new image of the character that has spread among younger audiences. Although the impact of Harley Quinn has been even greater, it was the first time that this character was taken to the big screen and its aesthetic renovation has been a great impact.
In Suicide Squad this relationship is not deepened too much and we see a Joker, at times, more compassionate with Harley, although also very cruel; in addition, the character of the Joker takes a back seat. The Harley in Suicide Squad better reflects the essence of the character, her madness, her falling in love with the Joker and even her desire to live a normal life and start a family with him.
The problem comes when we try to see what it is not, the Joker is still a psychopath and Harley is a woman submissive to him. They can be very charismatic, attractive, funny, witty characters and, undoubtedly, the Batman universe would not be the same without them.
They are characters that have taken on a life of their own, that set a style, they are the perfect prototype of villain and villainess, but the relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn is the clear example of what we do NOT want, a toxic relationship.
Their madness is even contagious, but also dangerous and we must not stop seeing them for what they are: comic book characters. Characters that draw the archetype of the villain, which can fascinate us; however, we must be aware that in the relationship between the Joker and Harley Quinn, sanity is conspicuous by its absence, something that could not be allowed in real life. As we have seen, it is very interesting their analysis and we could observe the relationship as an example not to imitate, without this being an obstacle to enjoy their story and learn from what happens to them.
“Everyone sees the Joker laughing; Harley sees him crying.”
-Arleen Sorkin, voice of Harley Quinn in Batman TAS-.
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п»їFatphobia: the real elephant in the room.
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Living on the other side of what is considered normal by a good part of society has a very high toll. Difficulties and added barriers that are born above all from the social plane; that from which we all feed, but from which some only collect poisoned water. A basic element, disguised as sustenance, which only produces frustration, pain and distortion of identity. Fatphobia is one of the phenomena that has emerged in the face of people who do not have a Low Body Mass Index (BMI).
Fatness, fat, is associated with other concepts, modules or nodes that are not very or not at all positive. Intuitions or presuppositions born of the interest of those who are only looking for a market to enrich themselves. Companies that look for the other to fill their pockets or simply to feel better in the comparison.
Prejudices and origin of fatphobiaMany people and in many occasions -perfectly we can be one of them because it is what we are taught- when they see someone with a BMI higher than the recommended one, they see -anticipate- also an unsatisfied person. They make this assumption without knowing it. They assume or we assume that it is. On the other hand, we also often make the mistake of assuming that they lack willpower: enough willpower not to eat certain foods or go to the gym.
This self-centered view is reinforced by the reinforcement it implies. Seeing or positioning ourselves in this vision gives us back a very positive image of ourselves: we do have willpower, if we take care of ourselves… and that is why we have a lower BMI. We assume that the other person does not like his or her body and that, if he or she does not want to change it, it is because his or her will is too weak and his or her spirit is too weak in the face of the temptation of junk food.
It is much easier to assume this line of thought than the one that the other person is like this because he/she wants to -we would then have to ask ourselves if all those sacrifices we make are to achieve something that we really want too-. Moreover, it is much easier to assume that they cannot change, in the case that this was their desire, as a matter of will; this thought feeds the idea that we control our body and that by doing “the right things” we will never be fat. However, the reality is so different….
On the other hand, the reaction that many obese people cause when they present is one of compassion and pity. Similar to that experienced by those who share with others a disease they suffer from. Instead of saying “Nice to meet you”, in many occasions we would say, perhaps in a more natural way, “I’m sorry”, “Cheer up” or “You can do it”. Introduce you to that acquaintance that we all have and that in his day managed to get rid of quite a few kilos and also not be a victim of a rebound effect.
When fatphobia harms usFatphobia, among phobias, is especially limiting. It supposes the rejection or the battle with something of our own, with a part of us with which we are not going to be able to stop living; to try to do so would cause us harm, to do so would mean to stop living. However, there are not few who try to follow this path: they dissociate or ignore their body, like the one who tries not to pay attention to the well-known charlatan who tells little or nothing of interest, no matter how much he talks.
On the way, the price they pay is very high. They isolate themselves from bodily signals, pain makes them become alert later – with the consequences that this phenomenon can have on a medical level -, everything unpleasant that comes from their body they associate with obesity. Beginning and end of everything.
On the other hand, many obese people with fatphobia give up very pleasurable activities, such as sports, a day at the pool or a long shower. It is no longer that someone sees them, it is that they want to stop seeing themselves, to cover a body that they cannot stand… and less in the nudity.
They stop living in the company of their body, in symbiosis with it, and turn their life into a stage that always has this battle in the background. Often, a fight inspired by an adopted desire and an implanted censorship, punished with a critical finger that is rarely conjugated with compassion, understanding and affection.
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